I thought I forgave you. I thought I moved on from you. But it took a conversation for someone to mention to me how much I mention your name and how I blame you for so much of what has happen to me since we broke up.
So I’m writing this to clear my mind from you. I’m writing this to let go, I’m writing this to move on and to better myself. Because if I don’t do this I’m gonna hurt so many people because I’ll be bitter I’ll be angry and I won’t be myself.
You’ve hurt me, you’ve used me, you’ve practically destroyed my heart. The way I loved you was the way a mother loved her first born. The way a kid loves candy or ice cream. I loved you when the sun would rise and I loved you when the sun would set. But yet you hurt me.
From the day you got stupid drunk and choked me until I almost passed out. From the fights we have had at malls or in clubs I still stayed. I stayed because I was so in love with you. I saw so much potential for you and for us. I told you I wouldn’t give up on you, and well I guess things don’t work out that way.
I’ve invested so much time, money, and emotions into you that I forgot who I was. I helped you in your darkest times. I’ve payed for court fees, I paid to have you out of jail on three occasions. I even helped you with the job process of becoming a flight attendant yet you hurt me. The day you went to Hawaii without even telling me you hurt me. To find out you stayed with another guy there you hurt me. To knowing you were moving to Texas to stay with your two gay roommates you hurt me.
I’ve tried to fight I tried to stay and be there for you but you hurt me. You stood in my sister wedding, you helped me bury my grandmother. You’ve attended both of my college graduations. I even tried to push you into school myself because I saw so much potential.
I guess that’s the thing, I saw the potential in you and what I wanted you to become. But not what you wanted. I saw a love for you that I never thought I would see for myself. But the day you hurt me was when you told me all the things I’ve done for you didn’t mean anything that you would be where you are in life without me.
You told me that the years of me driving you back and forth to work everyday didn’t mean anything knowing that I took 30 mins of my morning and afternoon to make sure you made it home safe.
The fact that when you had a suspended license and bad tags for your car that I followed you back and forth everyday to work and home.
Or when you started working for the airline that I would get up two hours before I have to get up to take you to the airport and drive an hour back in traffic to work.
Your telling me that when you had $3,000 of debt that when I paid it off without blinking an eye that it didn’t mean anything.
When you didn’t have a job how I got you hired at my old job and how they covered for you when you was in jail.
How me and my friends helped get your car out of impound.
But yet you say you were you’re at because of yourself
To be honest FUCK YOU
I will never in my life do what you did to me to someone else. We might didn’t make it but for you to say that and to move on to a new relationship as quick as we ended that hurts
I lost myself because I was so in love with you. I protected you, I fought for you, I willing to put everything on the line for us to work.
I started drinking more because I didn’t want to deal with the pain of you. I treated people different because of the pain of you. I lost my own self respect because of the pain of you.
But no longer will I ever let you have this control over me. I forgive you, for the pain, for the lies, for the hurt. You may have used me, you may have hurt me, but I will no longer give you control over me.
I forgive you and yes we didn’t make it but I’m letting go of you and I’m letting go of what we had. No longer will I hold this over my head. No longer will I act different because of you.
I forgive you and I’m letting go, I’m forgiving you and I’m letting go.
I’m gonna regain control of my life
So to you my friend, my ex,
I’m letting go and I forgive you.
– Eddie M